Did you know that it's been exactly 6 years since the "last normal day"? As in, it's been exactly 6 years since widespread COVID lockdowns started. That's kinda crazy. Wanna know another fun fact? It was a Friday the 13th, just like today...Maybe this time the world will go back to normal (I doubt it, but worth a shot).

I've recently been working on improving myself - I started going to the gym last week, read a full book for the first time in at least a year, and I'm slowly clawing my way back into being an academic weapon. I can't imagine how the me from 6 years ago would feel about this, maybe shock, or even horror, heh. The past me was wallowing in depression and wasn't even aware of it, but today's me went to a doctor's appointment to start weaning off of my anti-depressants. It feels almost unfathomable to think that these two people are the same person. Maybe this isn't for the internet to hear, but whatever, I'm proud of surviving, I'm proud of persevering, and I suppose that's all that matters. The world is so gloom and doom that it's no wonder I fell into the depression and anxiety spiral.

I'm sure I'm not the only one like this. My entire generation grew up in a pandemic, being locked inside at the developmental age of just 13. Then the rise of AIs struck as we approached our University years. And then the state of politics, the economy the job market going downhill, right as we join the long awaited adulthood we were racing towards as kids. I'm very lucky to be in my position, very lucky to have had the strength to fight my inner demons, and incredibly lucky to have an amazing support system around me for encouragement. Not everyone has that. 13 year old me didn't have that. I wish they did.

I mentioned before that I read a full book for the first time. (The book was The Midnight Library by Matt Haig, I really reccommend it.) With minor spoilers, as I first started it, the main character's situation hit so close to home that I couldn't get past the first chapter and I refused to continue reading it because I was scared of experiencing that same feeling of defeat that Nora did at the very beginning. It was only recently that I picked it up again - no particular reason why, other than maybe forgetting what happened last time I read it - and somehow sprinted through the entire book within a week. Me from a few months ago didn't have the courage to do that. But she'll never know that - she'll just keep going through life without any knowledge of whatever horrors or glees await her. What a whimsical way to go about life... ANYWAYS! Returning to the midnight library, it really hammers home the fact that things really do get better. If life stops today, we'll never know about the wonders of tomorrow. Nora's journey throughout the book, and her revelling in the beauty of life's possibility feels so resonant to my own journey. Maybe not literally, but hey, we can't all get a fantastical quantum space library to nurse us back to loving existence again.

If I could say something to my past me's, or to anyone out there struggling in this massive universe, I'd end up writing to my 13 year old self telling her to invest in the housing market early. Kidding. Mostly. I'd actually still end up writing a letter to my teenage self, Laufey-style. Everyone could do with some encouragement and positivity in their lives, so this is my way of doing so... maybe even for my own sake. As much as I'd like to pour out my heart in a long, emotional letter to myself, I know for a fact future me is going to regret current me staying up 'til 2am writing a blog post and personal letter (for sleep schedule reasons, but anyways) when instead I could say something far more meaningful at a fraction of the word count.

This is your life to experience; Keep fighting to live another day; Don't waste it doomscrolling the weeks away; I believe in you, and I'm proud of you. No one truly knows what may happen tomorrow, but all we have to do is savour each and every moment today. :)

eepy sleeping,

Soph